he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
