My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
