i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
