ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
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quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
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jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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