i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
