You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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