I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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