Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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