YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
