he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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