her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
