Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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