areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
