you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
