my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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