Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
