It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
