Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i think my mom watched the whole time
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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