I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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