VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
