i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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