my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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