It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
