I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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