Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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