You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
