my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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