OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
