we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
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