Will you blow on my dice?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
