Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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