He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
