I saw his package. It spoke to me.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
