Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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