Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Slut skills are useful in every country.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
