u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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