Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
