your thong is hanging out like whoa
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
