We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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