just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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