after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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