I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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