Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
