Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize