The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He has the fingertips of a God
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