I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize