haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
