Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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