rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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