she woke up with a sticky ear
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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