I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
