can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We left the knife in your bed.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
