I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
