The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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