took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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