I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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