Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
