Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
