Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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