I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
