his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
