A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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