I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
