Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
