I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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