You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
