Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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