i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
