i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
