He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize